A couple of months ago I began to participate in a class taught by a coaching peer as part of her education and certification. I decided to attend because I love to learn and develop my skills. Additionally, I wanted to meet like-minded individuals and expand my coaching network. I arrived without any expectations, my mind a clean slate and ready to learn. After introductions, we began the topic—Enemies of Learning. An interesting choice given that we were attending to learn.
Sixteen enemies of learning were presented. The enemy that resonated most with me was this—assuming you know when you don’t know. Huh? Look at it like this. When we engage in an activity for the first time, we tend to be cautious, listen and observe more. We attend to details and seek information so that we can learn. However, when we acquire necessary skills or become familiar with a pattern, we tend to assume that we know what will happen and when. Then, we slip into autopilot and observe less. We know what we know and that’s all there is to it.
Consider this—what if our assumptions cloud our ability to see what is actually happening or to be open to possibilities? Instead of knowledge opening doors, it can close off learning because we become caught in our habits and patterns.
Assumptions can interfere in many ways in our daily lives. For example, our communications can suffer. A friend and I recently had a miscommunication. She assumed she would know how I would respond to a request. When she made her assumption, she communicated her request in a defensive, self-justifying way. Unfortunately, because of the tone in her voice, her assumption about my response came true. I responded with a sarcastic and edgy tone with no hint of helpfulness. I realized that I was responding to her tone of voice and attitude, not the request itself. Fortunately, we cleared up the misunderstanding quickly but the situation crystallized the issue that assuming you know how others will react to your requests can create the reaction you are expecting. Your assumptions affect your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.
Assumptions cloud our interpretation of others’ actions and behaviors. A friend, who is a teacher, related this story about a little boy on a playground who, seemingly unprovoked, hit a little girl. The little girl started crying. My friend and another teacher went over to the children. The other teacher launched into scolding the little boy and was deciding on a punishment when my friend observed that the boy looked crestfallen. Observing the boy’s response, my friend asked why he hit the little girl. The boy responded that there was a bee on her and he did not want his friend to be stung. Time stood still while everyone digested this information. Having the facts changes the response, doesn’t it? When I heard this story, I paused to recall the many times I assumed I knew how and why a situation happened the way it did only to find out I was completely wrong.
What if when we assume, we create our own reality? As I work with people trying to create healthier lifestyles, I repeatedly witness how assumptions about ourselves and our abilities create reality. For example, a client statement of, “I love food. I don’t like to be deprived and live on salads,” sets up a barrier to learning and behavior change. The assumption that a diet can only mean deprivation creates the dieter’s cycle with a short list of acceptable foods. When an “unacceptable” food is eaten, the diet is abandoned and judged hopeless. This all-or-nothing mentality prevents openness to other options such adjusting portions, trying lighter versions of old favorites and shifting to an everything-in-moderation philosophy. Clients also limit their physical abilities by believing they are too old, too heavy, or too uncoordinated to try an activity. With these assumptions in place, motivation and willingness decrease, the ability to envision success ceases to exist, and progress halts. I witnessed how assumptions can limit personal success when I coached a team at my gym through several challenges like a rockwall climb, 5K run, and cycling class. Those participants who entered the challenges with an open mind and set aside assumptions about their abilities experienced the most personal success and satisfaction.
Assumptions cloud many aspects of our lives. We assume things about ourselves, others, and situations. Consider these questions—without assumptions, how would you communicate differently? What habits would you break? What routines would change? What beliefs would you challenge? Perhaps you would discover clarity around an old issue, be more mindful of your daily actions, or achieve something you thought impossible.
